11.30.2003
Just updated my calander for December...hahax...I'm getting all hyped up about Christmas...and Christmas shopping!!! whee~blah~
Went biking yesterday ... ( see, I actually make use of things that I buy)... and right now, it really hurts down there cuz I biked for too long yesterday...
Sore muscles, sore wrists ...
But it was all worth it!! I managed to polish up my cycling skills... it was real fun.
Haven't really had time to keep in touch with friends...come to think of it, I haven't spoken to Jeanette in quite some time...no wonder I'm so calm and relaxed...cuz I have NO ONE TO BUG ME ANYMORE!!! hahax...
Jeanette, if you're reading,...have fun on ur trip to Myanmar, and if you can, bring back a li'l monk for me!!!hahax!
I'm tired...
18:06
11.29.2003
This pic only lasted a day as my Friendster display pic. I look like a bloody HANTU! eeks! ehehez... now its here for all of you to get creeped ...have fun~
This one's of me as a really chubby little brat...I seriously look like a retard...~
00:13
11.28.2003
Went biking at Pasir Ris park today...I'm such an amateur...how sadBut then my dad decided to get me a bike...so yep, one more thing added to my collection. How nice. I got all excited about it, but I'll bet a milloin bucks that in a few months, it'll be left by itself in one corner to collect dust. Yep. That's me.
I'm feeling so useless today.
People around me are all so sweet and nice, not forgetting too INNOCENT. They're making me feel as though I'm the only one with the extremely corrupted mind, the only one soldering bad thoughts. Like I'm the one who's the BIG BAD WOLF. I'm so sick of that. You bloody bitch.
I hate this. I'm never the nice sweet little girl in the corner. I'm the loud one who spurts out dirty language as and when I feel like it.
I just wrote a nice testimonial for a real bitchy gurl that I've hated for ages. SEE WHAT A BLOODY HYPOCRITE I AM!?!!??!
I hate myself.
Jaclyn really can't take anymore shit from other people.
23:58
11.27.2003
`hah~changed my cursor to make my blog look more christmas-sy (?)
ehehez...no one's sadder than me...
21:20
Once I get my books, I'll have this little voice in my head telling me to start with my holiday homework. Those of you reading, I know you're like *shoch shock*..., but don't worry, I'll start pretty damn soon.
What the hell is wrong with me?!?!?!?!?!
I'm so sick, and blood is oozing outta me like a leaking tap.
My stomach hurts like hell, and I feel like rolling about all over the floor, but I know that'll only make it hurt more.
I know all this sounds disgustingly horrid, so I'm gonna stop about that. `hee~
Woke up at 4 in the morning and just couldn't get to sleep. So I just took out my diary and started writing out my Christmas wishlist. Boy was it long. I only got up to #40 when I felt sleepy again. So yeah, there's still a long way more to go for that list. How nice.
Jaclyn, stop being such a nutcase
16:58
11.26.2003
The Challenger
The powerful, aggressive type. Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: self-mastering, they use their strength to improve others' lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring.
03:02
My mum's b'day today, spent all my money getting her a prezzie...now I'm so B-R-O-K-E!
I'm given up on feeling depressed...it's healthier being happy... I don't constantly think about death anymore...nor do I feel so worthless....
I've decided. No point making myself so miserable. I'll last longer putting on a facade and always making myself seem like a happy gurl who has no worrie, no sadness.
I'll be more likable that way. Not so cynical or bitchy. After all, aren't those sweet & innocent looking gurls always more likable?
I feel like a fly on the wall, watching everyone's every move, and no one even knows that I exist. Either that or they want to smash me into pieces for being such a pest.
Unwanted. Undesirable. UNFAIR. Undecided. Unhappy. Unbelievable. Unsightly.
Unwanted - That's me...
Undesirable - My bitchyness
UNFAIR - Life
Undecided - My fate
Unhappy - How I feel
Unbelievable - My thoughts
Unsightly - My behavior towards life
I'm back to being sad again. That was fast. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!?!!?!?
I'm sick.
So Tired.
01:19
11.24.2003
Back to blog again!!!In a good mood today!! yipee!!! hahahahahahahahha!!!
Saw Randall Tan (that lightyears guy) in Hereen today... !!!! That guy is at least an 8...
Too bad I didn't put on my glasses to get a better look...hahax... I'm so loser-ish...
But really, that guy is HOT!!! He doesn't look that good on telly, but trust me, he's
just the *fainted* kinda hot!!!
O-kay...ehehez! enough of him! Oh yeah, I decided to skip choir on Sat cuz
1) I was sleeping until 10 while choir started at 9
2)Just plain lazy
3)getting real tired of choir
4)Didn't really wanna see that bloody kau's face
5)lazy
6)lazy...
7)lazy...
8)oh yeah, I forgot, I was too lazy...
*yawn*..so bloody tired now... falling asleep...walked around Orchard today...so super tired!!! Was shopping around for Christmas deco...haha! Our Christmas tree is so darn flooded... guess we went kinda overboard decorating it!!!
Can't wait for Christmas day!!! Still a month more to go!!! Too long. Not enough patience...
*sigh*..what to do!!??!?!
Jaclyn wants to go sleep now...
07:29
11.22.2003
I'm feeling sooooo much better now...Woke up at 4 in the morn and decided to take a jog around the neighbourood...ahh...bliss...
Don't know what came over me though... Now I'm so bloody tired...ran for almost an hour...HOW COME I CAN'T DO THAT WHEN WE HAVE 2.4!??!?!?!?!?! haha....
I'm beginning to hate everyone though...and that's not healthy.
tired though...
Just found another friend on friendster...that really made my day!!
*sigh*..see how the simple things in life can get me to the two extremes...
sad or overjoyed...
It's only the start of the day, so I don't really have much to write...prehaps more exciting things would occur later on....hopefully, then at least it'll take my mnd off everything...
Jaclyn, GETALIFE
Jaclyn doesn't wanna care anymore,...she's so tired.
13:05
11.20.2003
Leave me alone... I'm so tired...really very tired...Let me lead my own life... or maybe I should just end it...
Maybe I should kill everyone around me..so ther'll be no one around to hurt me.
Perhaps I'm the only one who's feeling this way...
Pinch me, keep me awake... I'm so tired of everything...
All you people, just leave me alone...
Let me keep to myself...
Alone in my little corner...
To fend for myself...
To think about what a bitch I've been...
To think about my fucked up life...
Really,
Leave me be...
Corrupted mind
Overworked brain
Messy thoughts
Painstaking
Limp - physically & mentally
Insomnia
Care - tlc...that's what I need...
Angst ...exactly what i'm feeling
Twisted life
Everlasting sorrow
Death
I hate you...
You inflicted all this pain on me...
Now I want to take revenge...
Just you wait and see...
19:33
11.19.2003
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
18:50
I hate myself for being such a mindless bitch...
I hate myself for being so self-centered....
What the fuck does everyone have against me?
Why is it that some people can be so happy when I've never experienced the feeling of joy?
How did my life become so bloody screwed up?
Who the hell understands me?
When will I get to truly understand the meaning of happiness?
Too many questions, too little time...
I'll never get my answers... it's too late... too late for everything to resume to its normal state.
I'm a selfish girl, what i can't have, you can't have too...
If I'm upset, I want you to feel twice as bad...
If I'm happy, all the happiness belongs to me...
If you're having a good time, you share it with me...
I'll never give you more than I'll take...
That seems to be the only way out...
Its the only thing which will save me from this huge arena of predators.....
I'm so tired... too tired to even care anymore...
I'm sinking in.... deeper & deeper... soon I'll be lost beneath this facade I've let myself slip into... I'll never be myself again...never....
Leave me alone, KEEP CLEAR OF ME
00:57
11.18.2003
| Who are your Celebrity Parents? | |
|---|---|
| Your Name | |
| Your Mom | Christina Augilera |
| Your Dad | Osama Bin Ladin |
20:37
ehehez! The class outing was pretty okay I guess.... tiring. Felt like a little kid once more... went on the swings and refused to go on the bloody see-saw just to make Jeanette pissed! ahahahahaha! Poor Ms.wong just sat in the little hut from 11-2.30.... crazy I tell u, what a way to spend a day!
But the real climax of the day for me was Jayne and her pants!!! AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That girl really cracks me up.... so funnie! Still can't get the picture
outta my head!Saw Russell Lee at the mrt station, was all covered
up in black... thought that was kinda cute, the whole black outfit,
and how hard he was tryingto make himself seem mysterious! and
I won't forget the bitch & the ass we metat the park! URGH! some
people are just so annoying....
Geez...I'm getting real sick of
KAUSALYABLOODYBITCHWITHZEROBETWEENHEREARSANDAFACE
THATSAYSPUNCHME!
Yep....that felt gD! AHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
Laughter is the best medicine.
Jaclyn, you've gone mad!
01:00
11.16.2003
I changed my blog tune again.... hopefully someone doesn't start using Iris right after I've used it... if that person dares to do it again, I'll seriously SCREAM!hahax... I'm so easily annoyed these days! I think those people who went to shake 5566's hand were pretty dumb... I mean, o-kay... you like them, but IT'S JUST A BLOODY HANDSHAKE!!! You don't queue up for hours just to shake a freakin' gay's hand! URGH!
For those people reading this : If you went, I'm seriously sorry! But you can't stop me fom voicing my opinions....ehehez! =Þ
Class outing is tomorrow.... I'm not sure if I really want to go anymore! I was looking forward to going to Escape.... now they want to go to PASIR RIS PARK?!?!?!?! Geez....how
*sigh*...why am I behaving like such a bitch??? Lack of sleep?? PMS-ing????
Don't feel like writing anymore....
Jaclyn, go ram your head against the wall...
Jaclyn doesn't give a fuck about what people think...
17:01
11.12.2003
*sigh* haven't blogged in days... been trying to sort out my Friendster thingy...My cousin just walked past when I was on Friendster and he went like, " Pfft, this Friendster website is just for people to flaunt and show off about how many friends they've got! What a waste of time!" That got me thinking...
hmmz.. The truth is, Friendster is in a way like that...BUT (here comes the big b-u-t) but it's really fun and all them connections are just truly amazing..ehehez..
I hate readinh other people's blogs where they write about exactly what happened in their day...I'm like WHO THE HELL GIVES A SHIT??!?!?!? They might as well give me a timetable of their entire day, that'll be easier to digest..If I were to write a schedule of my day, it'll be something like this...
10.00 wake up to the sounds of the retarded old woman singing out of tune... feel like a real bitch
11.00 Go on Frienster, read a testimonial a friend wrote me, and realise that she doesn't know me at all, cuz what we wrote made me feel weird all over.
12.30 Feel like shit, decide to go shopping to make myself feel better (that always helps!)
18.00 Return home, feet are aching like hell, soak in the tub for and hour, sad to say,
I fell asleep in it...that felt good...first time in a loooong time I didn't have to give about what people thought of me!
19.00 Plop down in front of the couch, stare at the screen, watching Holland V, a show so predictable I could be the director.
21.00 Feel like a sick puppy, decide to stand at the stairs and sing at the top of my
lungs..... %#$^%$&^%*^(*&
21.30 Sit at the porch, talking to my SiSs about my terrible life...
23.00 Lie in bed, trying to figure out why my life is so screwed up...
00.00 Flipping around in bed, trying to get to sleep, but the neighbour's dog is
howling like it has something stuck up its ass...
how exciting my life is... like a real bore...could put me to sleep!
Jaclyn, stop behaving like such a shithole
20:34
11.09.2003
Haven't blogged for such a long time... too much stuff to pen down...Just had a barbeque at my house... not sure for what though. I just suddenly decided that I wanted to have a barbeque this morning, and went out to buy food... now I'm stuffed, smell like a smoked turkey, feel like a sick dog, and stuck in a house full of people. Was hoping for a intimate gathering, for a few people. But my mum ended up inviting tons of people to our house. Now I really regret deciding to have a barbeque...don't know what make me do it either. It was just a spur of the moment thing.
Collected my report book yesterday, it was really.... depressing??? I don't know why. My grades were just average, but I didn't fall or anything, so no reason to feel upset, but something inside me just didn't click.
I really need to get something off my chest.... KAUSALYA LING-SOMETHING IS SUCH A BITCH. BTCH BITCH BITCH! BLOODY BITCH! SHE ANNOYS THE HELL OUTTA ME, CAN'T KEEP HER FUCKING TRAP SHUT AND HAS "PUNCH ME" WRITTEN ALL OVER HER FACE. AND SHE KEEP GOING AROUND WITH THAT " I'M A P-R-E-F-E-C-T ATTITUDE THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SLAPPING HER. *sigh* that felt good.
I know, I'm a bitch too.... but I don't want to tolerate all that shit from a person who looks like she rammed her face into the wall and and is so annoying that I wanna flush her down the toiletbowl.
URGH! I smell like a cigar or something. Made of over 4000 poisonous genes and harmful to all. ( see, I actually learn something from bio!)
Jaclyn, you're a hopeless case
------------------------------------------senile-----------------------------------------------------
01:07
11.06.2003
Haha....I totally forgot there was a practice for the item we're going to put up for Ms.Quek. I was still sleeping until 9:40...then I realised that there was Maths at 10. I think I set the record for the fastest shower. Shows how much of a pig I am!Ms.Wong really hates me & Jeanette man. I mean, she just came up to us and started picking on my work. Stupid woman lah.... looked at every single teey-weeny detail and found the tiniest mistake. I seriously wanted to shoot her...kick her... hahax. Jeanette says I should control my violence. I think she's right. I keep thinking about slapping people (ie...cows, nairs for constantly skipping choir prac.) ...
*sigh*...my friends have OBS tomorrow!!! I ALSO WANNA GO!!! It looks like so much fun! URGH! I wish I was back there. They're going trekking, canoeing, and yeah, digging up holes for shitting...bathing in the river! I WANNA GO!
Life is so unfair! Tomorrow I'm going to be stuck in the bloody classroom and forced to listen to Ms.Wong drone on .... she's really such a pest.
Listening to Iris now.... it's a pretty old song, but somehow I still love it. Real nice lyrics...
I wish all the cows and annoying pigs would just disappear from my left. JUST GET OUT! I'm so sick of them. QUIT TALKING TO ME AS IF YOU KNOW ME. QUIT BEHAVING AS IF WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS. QUIT ACTING LIKE YOU THINK I LIKE YOU BECAUSE IT'S PRETTY DAMN OBVIOUS I DON'T. Someone told me today that they think they should be mourning because they didn't do as well as they expected. I was going to say, " Don't give me all that shit.." but then, I suddenly felt so envious of her. The problems she has in her lfe are so minor that a little thing like low grades would make her this upset. I know it sounds weird. But trust me, when you get to how I am, you'll know exactly how I feel. So I just ended up telling her she didn't doo all that badly and all that shit. I feel so damn bloody fke sometimes. I was really talking through my ass when I replied to her statement. I didn't even need to think of a suitable answer, because I'm just expected to sy something everyone memorises like , " Aww...don't worry, you didn't do that bad. I'm sure you'll improve. Just work harder kayz??"
I really hate myself sometimes. Hate myself for turning into a superficial bitch with peanuts for brains and a shallow character. Yeah, I gave up watching a serial because the guy whom i thought was so HOT at first became poor.... hahax. Shows how bad I am.... WHY????? too many questions...too little time.
Uptown Girls really got me thinking. I remember the one line that the little girl of 8 said... "It's a harsh world...." and I was thinking, WHAT THE HELL WOULD A LITTLE TWERP LIKE YOU KNOW??? but that line really meant so much to me. It was too true. What I realised was that they were trying to tell everyone how harsh and competitive this world is... even a little girl would say it so matter-of-factly that this world is harsh. How about the rest of us??
GEEZ! WHY THE HELL AM I ANALYSING A BLOODY MOVIE??? JUST WATCH IT AND BE A DITZY LITTLE GIRL AND SAY, " THAT WAS SUCH A NICE MOVIE....AWW THAT LITTLE GIRL WAS SO CUTE. THE ENDING WAS SO (blah-dee-blah)..." MY LIT CELLS ARE REALLY BURSTING OUT! *sigh*...see how sad I am....
This called " wu ke jiu yao"....
Jaclyn, you're crazy....
Jaclyn is really sad...
01:38
11.04.2003
Maths lesson was really a bore. Stupid Ms.wong....she picked on me even though she didn't even know where I was. She was like "Jaclyn!" (to answer a ques.) and then she started looking around for me! For goodness sake, if you want to pick on me, at least don't make it so obvious that you don't know where I am. But it didn't help that I didn't know what the hell she was asking cuz I was reading the 8-days :First person...hahax! It was real funnie. Stupid Jeanette lah, tempt me with the mag.And Kausalya came in at 10, when the lesson was about to end. I almost laughed my ass off....hahahahahahahah! I know I'm mean, but I can't help it that she's so ANNOYING, RUDE, PROUD, and a REAL BITCH!
Geez...I'm turning into a real ...(what'sthatword??) ... Meanie?? Gossiper?? Nothingbettertodosobitchaboutotherpeopleloser???
Yeah, maybe. I'M BORED! CAN'T WAIT TO GO WATCH THE MATRIX TONIGHT!!!! I'm planning to watch at least 3 movies today....that'll be a nice way to waste time....how nice.
I'm becoming more psycho. It's scaring me.
Jaclyn's going tooty...
19:18
Mrs.Tay's going to be the new choir mistress, and another teacher would be the co. choir mistrss.... hope itz not that Miss.Ang...hate that bitch!
Somemore people congratulated me today, and somehow as everyone was going "congrats!!" I was like getting more & more pissed. It was more like " WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CONGRATULATING ME?!!??!?!" I seriously don't know why I felt that way.... feel so sick of hypocritical people.
And gaya, if you're reading this, no, you're not one of them....don't worry.
Last night, just before I went to bed, I was lying quietly reading a book, then I suddenly belted out in the " Wo Ai Ni" song again...don't know what came over me! Sometimes I do the craziest things. Probably cuz I was too tired or something...needed to do something that would lighten up my mood!
MAD!MAD!MAD!
MY throat hurts like hell now man! We were like singing higher, & higher ....higher
awwww......I can hardly talk now...hopefully it'll be all right tomorrow! I still have to practice for our item!
TIRED!!!!!!
tired of :
- hypocrites whom I hate and hate me but are pretending to be nice to me
- going through the same routine each day (saddenning...)
- singing till my lungs feel like they're about to explode
- hearing myself laugh 'cuz I know my laugh is forced
- my life
Jaclyn feels sick
Jaclyn thinks that she's feeling sick because some people can be so fake
Jaclyn is really tired
00:51
11.01.2003
Went for choir today. I still don't understand why we must have lessons and stuff when it's the holz! So bloody unfair!I'm sick of having people telling me how well they did.... I feel so useless... like I should have worked harder or something. Everyone's improved by so much and I've only progressed a tiny step ahead. Geez... when will I ever start liking myself. I hate it when people keep telling me that I've done well enough when I know I haven't... and did I ever tell you the I HATE BEING IN A FAMILY WHERE EVERYONE'S SO DARN SMART AND I'M NOT!
I mean, look at me...and look at my sisters....
God! I feel so stupid! Just thinkng about how happy I was yesterday makes me feel sink to my stomach....
I'm stuck in a pit and can't get out! And everyone's trying to tell me in one way or another that they want to beat me when I DON'T GIVE A DAMN about what they're planning to do with their lives!
Seriously, don't tell me anything anomore... I'm filled to the brim and can't take anymore shit from anyone else. Some people should really get a life. How sad can someone get?!?!?!
Yesterday was the first time in 6 years that I didn't celebrate Halloween. I didn't even remember that it was Halloween until Grace reminded me. Shows ow much I've changed. A year back, nothing could stop me from celebrating Halloween, and now, I just simply forgot about my fav holiday. All because I was getting all fucked up over my nasty results. All because I'm in a totally different place from where I was a year ago. All because I'm hanging around with new people. All because I was more worried about all the shit that happening in my life than celebrating Halloween. All because I've changed so much.
All this only hit me last night. When I was lying in bed, talking to my sis about our friends in KL and how we're going to visit them some day soon cuz we miss them so much. I realised that they'd all be going trick-or-treating like we did last year, they'd all be enjoying themselves fooling around. They'd all be having fun together. And there I was, lying in bed, and only allowed to have illusions of how happy I would be if I was with them. And think about how unfair life is... WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE SO HAPPY WHEN I'M NOT? I'm so tired of giving in to people, so sick of people pouring out their troubles to me when I'm already filled with my own worries... I just feel like telling them to get a life, or at least get another confider who still has room for their problems. BuT I can't. That's how superficial everything is. You can't say exactly how you feel for fear of leaving a "bad" impression. You can't act yourself because the real you might not be as likeable.
I'm so sick of everyone and everything in my life.
Jaclyn wants everyone out there to get a life...
Jaclyn feels like she's about to explode any minute now because everyone's telling her their problems and she has no one to confide to.
Jaclyn feels that this world is so bloody unfair.
Jaclyn wishes she was someplace else.
00:36
