4.30.2004
Had bloody compo today. I hate exams. The day was interesting?....I guessSuper tired...confused... why do people take so long to fogive and forget? We're all the same I guess... I can't forget anything either. We always tend to remember the bad things people do to us, and the nice stuff they do, we simply forget very easily. That's life.
I'm supposed to be studying.... but I really can'push myself to do anything. Lazy... pissed off...irritated. Not with anyone...just with myself. Oh well...don't feel like talking about it.
taa~
01:04
4.27.2004
Heard this song on Blueprint : Running with Scissors...great song...ehehz... something I can relate to...enjoy!
Running With Scissors
Feeling tired,
life is broken,
all i see ahead is horizontal
plans baked fired
the most that's in here
whose the one to hold my hands
whose the one that really cares, oh...
somebody feel my tears
somebody share my fears.. woah
Chorus
i ve been running around with scissors
i m getting more and more exhausted
i find myself that i would everytime
i want to cut myself into pieces
i ve been running around with scissors
and probably born in the roads unmentioned
i ask myself if i could ever choose
i want to live my like i would never live before...
Why am I still slacking? Study you bitch....
02:57
4.26.2004
It's a sad day. Yes it is. And I'm feeling tired. and sleepy. Bored. Pissed off.Tried to study... no use really. It was like,
"Chinese?? Naah...I'll deal with that later..."
"Eng...what's there to study?"
"History...it's too early to start...I'll probably forget everything before the exam!"
"Lit... don't want !"
"Maths? ....Do I really have to?"
You get my point. *sigh*... why can't I be more like other people? Determined, focused, smart!
Life's unfair. They were showing some examples of good and "bad" blogs today. I was like..."Please..please don't let it be mine. No way in hell will I ever be able to show my face again. ehehez..."
It wasn't...all that worrying for nothing. Great. I shall not be guilty. After all, I'm not that bad right? right? RIGHT?
Talk to the hand.
Jaclyn's very very sleepy...
03:02
4.23.2004
Just finished drawing out my design for our "invention"for IP.....how funOh well, we had a great time in Eng today... the sun must have been hot pink or something...Jacob's was sooo incredibly nice!! Even treated us to drinks...ehehz..
I've been trying hard to get over everything that's happened and to focus on more important stuff...like studying? ...yes, yes....the one thing I dread the most. *sigh* I'd be better off as a Primary kid...how I wish.
Everyone's been stressing over how the exams are coming up soon...and that's when I have to smack my head and say..."Study?!!? You mean play-time's over?!?"Jeez So like me!
Been telling myself to quit being so slack.... but I just can't help it. Like now...everyone's probably memorising their asses off and I'm...blogging? *sigh* again!
I'll stop here... not wanting to go back to being depressed once more!
00:33
4.19.2004
It's not worth getting angry over people who don't mean a thing to you anymore.I've been telling myself that. Surprisingly, it helps. Oh well, had a lecture during assembly today about foul language and "bad" stuff we write in our blogs.... I was like, oops...guilty!
ehehez... I shall just put a stop to all this. Make everyone happier. I've really let it out on my friends...so sorry people!!!
I shall refrain from talking about saddening stuff for as long as I can hold out. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna explode one day if I don't say anything at all. But the lesser the better. And I'll keep away from the foul language.... I can do it!
Song lyrics...
I'm Sensitive
I was thinking that I might fly today
Just to disprove all the things that you say
It doesn't take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
CHORUS
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way
You always tell me that it's impossible
To be respected and be a girl
Why's it gotta be so complicated?
Why you gotta tell me if I'm hated?
I was thinking that it might do some good
If we robbed the cynics and took all their food
That way what they believe will have taken place
And we can give it to people who have some faith
I have this theory that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
'Cause anyone can start a conflict
It's harder yet to disregard it
I'd rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me 'cause I'd like to stay that way
I guess I'm happy...
01:15
4.17.2004
What's it with people and their studying? I've gotten enough of being pissed. I'm not gonna be pissed that people can't keep their big mouths shut. I'm gonna be happy that I'm not friends with her anymore. I'm happy to know that I don't need her anymore. I'm not angry with myself for crying...at least it helped me sort things out. I'm happy to have nothing to do with her. I'm not gonna be frustrated that so much in going on, and my life is going down and I'm forced to hide how I feel. No. I'm not gonna act like a soppy idiot. Not anymore.I know i should be more focused...on important things. But it's harder than it seems. I don't seem to care anymore. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL HAPPENED?!
I hate the rumours people are spreading. Why did I even choose to come back to this fuckin' place? I don't know. I should really stop behaving like such a spoilt brat. It's not anybody's fault really. I'm not gonna take it out on anybody but my pillow. Yes.
23:56
4.16.2004
Do I have the right to be so pissed off? I can't believe things turned out this way. Confused.She's making stories up and spreading it like SARS. Should I be pissed?
Can't believe I sobbed like a baby in front of so many people. Embarressing. Great loss of face. URGH!H who cares anymore. I've got nothing left.
Great big whoopie!
I can't believe I just asked her that straight out. Now she feels guilty. I feel even worse. I'm such a big mouth. *sigh*
The week's been worse than I could ever imagine it to be. My life... there's nothing more to it than my fucked up life.
We had some sorta punishment on Wednesday.... that totally drained me. Had to deal with someone's bitchiness the whole entire day. Then had public-speaking, then WITS...then cleaning up the class. Will someone please give me a break?!?!?! I need some serious rest. Passed my 2.4...yay? I guess.... made a big improvement from last year. 15.43...! put all my anger/energy into running. Felt so tired after that, but it felt good to be too tired to think for once. It felt good. I should be happy. I really should.
Maths almost killed me though. Can't take it anymore. urgh!! No matter how hard I try...I can't help but be reminded of that bitch. Why does she like to spread stories? And why do people keep asking? I'm so sick of it. Leave a alone dammit. ARGHH! Feel like I'm gonna pull all my hair out.
You bitch. It's all your fault.
02:27
4.13.2004
Should I be so pissed? Is it even her fault in the first place? It all happened so quickly that it just leaves me dumbfounded. Someone explain things to me. Tell me exactly what happened so that I can actually understand what's going on. All I know now is that she's a bitch. I need some serious help.Felt so hurt today... that scene keeps coming back into my mind, can't seem to knock it out. I don't know how she managed to make me feel guilty about something I didn't even do. What am I supposed to do...go down on my knees? I don't think so. You don't mean that much to me. You can take your twisted face and stuff it. I don't care anymore. Really. I'm too tired.
I need time to get over it.
The only bright spot in the week was the li'l old Ms.Wong. Felt so touched by her actions.
1) she begged lao shi to give up her lesson to let us have recess 'cuz she said we'd be too hungry by 12.35...
2) she topped up with her own $$ for those who didn't reach the $20 mark for the M.Walk....awww
3) She gave up her place being a HOD and has to squeeze into the staff room with the rest of the teachers....
*sigh*...Ms.Wong's so sweet....
our class's planning to change for the better.... WE CAN DO IT!!! ehehez....
01:09
4.09.2004
Went to watch The Prince & Me yesterday....to soothe my nerves and to calm myself down. It didn't help. The movie was greeaaat, but my mood dampened it all. Someone help me!!!!!!!!!!Okay...I'm gonna try to be all happy. Watch this.
Oh...it was such a sweet flick, I've never had so much fun in my whole entire life!!!
*sigh*.... (I'm not gonna say anything about how it was a total "live happily ever after bimbotic show...)
Yes... everything about the movie was great...even the guy who kept shoving popcorn into his huge gap throughout the entire movie...even the annoying fella who kept guffawing so loudly. Yes. I'm happy. I am happy.
I can't do this.
18:01
4.08.2004
Once more back to fucked up mode. I'm so sick of my life. Someone just shoot me. URGH!!!!!!!!!I need something to scream into. Someone help me. I'm on the verge of just collapsing. I need a life.
The week was the pits for me. There's a limit to how much I can take. And that ******** has just gone over it. bitch. bitch. bitch. I hope you choke to death since you talk so much and your nose fall off 'cuz everything about you is fake, and you nails chip and fall apart 'cuz you keep buffing them like some bloody bimbo.
That was a mouthful. Forgive me father for I have sinned.
Damn.... I really am going mad.
good news? no choir this week!!!! yay!!!
That doesn't help much though. Finished my 5 items...double yay!!! ehehhez... did better than I expected...big improvement from last year....
Jeez... I'd better stop pretending to be all cheery... I'm gonna puke any time now. Feel like a lump of useless, stinky shit right now. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! My head's gonna burst. I hate this fucked up life.
I can barely lift an eyelash now. Feel like my heads gonna burst any moment, sending blood and juice spraying and clumps of my hair's gonna fly all over. And my ass is gonna be on fire, and I'll whiz off like an atomic bomb, and my entire body's gonna spilt up into multipie parts, sending my guts flying and splattering around. I'm mad.
What should I do.....
I feel like crying now. Just hug my mummy tight and start bawling like I'm 5. I wish I could. But the tears don't seem to wanna come out. I hate having to pretend to be strong. I miss my sis. Why did u have to go study!??! And leave me here to suffer. I'm jealous. Feel like a piece of crap.
Jaclyn.... you're not gonna give a fuck about annoying people. Ignore that bitch. At least try to.
02:59
4.04.2004
Went for the Tan Kah Kee Award ceramony yesterday...ehehez...super funny...the entire bus ride...we kept chatting non-stop... about everything possible....
Jarelyn & rachel went up to receive the prize... and while waiting for the guest of honour to arrive, for almost an hour!!
Jeez.... needless to say, I got pretty damn bored....started saying things like..
"Regina....I dare you to pull that clip off that li'l gurl's hair!!"
and poking the babbon-like hair of the woman in front of me... then I noticed the little girl's clips were missing...Jayne and I kept accusing regina of bullying her,,,hahax...so funny!!!
Watched the news at night...saw the ceramony on tv...hahax... the camera filmed our behinds and half of jarelyn's head... that's our 4 seconds of fame... wow
01:02
4.02.2004
I've totally crossed the line. I'm now an insane maniac who's terribly exhausted, with a dripping nose and a clogged up brain. Someone save me.My week was as tiring as things can ever get.
IP---- get the fuckin' hell outta my life!!!!!!!!!!!
WITs--- There's a limit to how much I can take !^#^!~%^!
D&T----- I give up.
Choir/Musical --- I actually enjoy this now... I don't even have to work my brains while singing anymore.
URGH! I am so done with problem solving/ solution finding. Why the hell did I every commit myself to ip in the first place?
stupid.stupid.stupid. Feel like such a failure. Wu lao shi gave us a prep talk on the "streaming"....boy was that woman trying to scare the shit outta us. It's like, if you wanna get into an "A" class, you have to be the top 80 of the entire cohort... enought to kill me... and here goes...
Maths --- 60%+++
Science --- 65%+++
Eng --- 70% +++
The requirements.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I still have to go for some bloody Ip seminar thingy tomorrow. My nose is totally blocked. My mind's a blank. My energy needs to be recharged. I'm gonna kill.
03:37
